The Transmissions
by Clerds
Summary: The Avenger's Tower starts to receive some... interesting transmissions. No one can decipher where they're coming from, except for Thor. Loki, you silly God! Tricks are for kids! Rated M for some of the messages that Loki sends.
1. Chapter 1

Once again, this is set in a sort-of AU where the events of the Avengers have happened, but Loki has eluded capture. Thank you.

Chapter One: The First Transmission

The Avengers are having a lovely time, watching a movie that Tony Stark affectionately likes to call 'The Cry-tanic.' Jack is currently drawing the picture of Rose, and everyone but Thor is awkwardly turning their head from the screen.

"What is he doing? Why is she naked?" Thor asks, much like a kindergartner would. The other members of the team, Steve included, look at each other confused. Perhaps Thor needs 'the talk'. Natasha starts to speak, trying to explain in an inexplicit way what humans do, when Thor starts again. "Oh, he's drawing her naked. Why would you draw her naked? She had a lovely dress."

Clint rudely interrupts. "Do women not have boobs on Asgard?" He asks, mouth full of popcorn.

Thor looks confused. "I do not know of which 'boobs' you speak of, friend Barton." Tony snickers and pauses the television on Kate Winslet's.

"Those." Clint says, pointing to the television. Thor, who was looking at his friends, turns his head back to the screen and jumps, startled. Steve is as red as a tomato and covering his face.

"Oh, those. On Asgard we refer to those as breasts." Thor says nonchalantly. Steve wriggles in his blanket nest on the floor, trying to cover his ears now.

"Can we please not talk about this?" He asks shyly, when suddenly the screen flashes blue.

"Sir, I apologize, but my protocols have been overridden." Jarvis announces to the entire room. "It seems you have a picture message from an unknown number."

Tony thinks for a second. Surely, it couldn't be anything too bad. "Bring it up." He says.

The Avengers watch as the blue screen turns colored, showing an _extremely _detailed drawing of Tony and Bruce, well… fonduing. Steve jumps up and screams, running towards his room. Tony is laughing his ass off. Thor just looks at the screen, obviously still confused as to what is going on, while Clint and Natasha run away. Bruce leans over the edge of the couch and throws up on the floor.

"Why, is that you and Banner, friend Stark? 'Tis a lovely picture indeed." Thor says, looking at the drawing. "It looks almost real."

Tony stops laughing long enough to yell at Jarvis to "take it down." The picture disappears and now it's Winslet's boobs again, and Bruce sits back up.

"I think I need to go get the mop." He mutters anxiously, skittering to the kitchen. Thor just looks up at the television.

"Are we not going to continue the movie?" He asks disappointedly.

"I'm afraid not, big guy." Tony says. "Maybe some other time." He's still chuckling.

Natasha comes back into the room. "Who the hell sent that?" She asks angrily. "And why does it smell like puke?"

"That would be me..." Bruce mutters as he begins to mop up his mess. "I'm sorry."

Thor jumps up. "Some talented artist sent it! Did you see the attention to even the slightest detail? The way that sweat dripped from friend Banner's forehead?"

Tony is laughing so hard. "I don't think everyone shares your enthusiasm for art, Thor."

"Loki taught me how to draw when we were but Godlings. I could never do so well, but I can see the beauty in art."

"That was surprisingly deep coming from Thor." Natasha says. "Now someone figure out where the hell that came from."

"I'll get to work." Tony says, walking up to the television and fiddling with the knobs. Bruce has cleaned up and now is running to his room, face red. "I'm surprised he didn't go green literally." Tony mutters as he brings up the settings.

Thor heads back to his room. He sits down at his much-too-tiny desk and pulls out a piece of paper and a box of crayons that he received from friend Rodgers for Christmas. He draws a picture of him and his friends, sitting on the couch and watching a movie. He's very proud of it, holding it up and smiling as Natasha walks in. "What do you have there, Thor?" She asks. Thor gives her the paper.

"It's just a little thing I drew." He mutters. Natasha looks at it in wonder.

"It's amazing." The picture is much better than anything Natasha could draw. "I thought you said you couldn't draw very well."

"Well, if you saw one of Loki's pictures, you'd agree. He paints things that look like they'd leap from the page and come to life." Thor explains, a twinkle of fondness in his eye. "Perhaps soon I shall travel back to Asgard, and when I come back I'll bring one of them."

"Sure." Natasha says, sitting down to watch Thor draw once more.

Meanwhile, Bruce is lying in his bed, halfway between man and Hulk. His face is slightly green and his whole body is heaving, but he refuses to completely turn. "Count to fifty, Banner." He whispers anxiously, fists balled up at either side. "One, two, three, four..."

Tony walks in. "Hey, big guy. Want to go catch some Shawarma?" He asks. Bruce groans.

"I'm going to... I'm going to change." He whispers through gritted teeth.

"Then by all means, we need to get you outside."

And that's the end of chapter one! Of course, leave a review and tell me how awful this was. I'm all ears for constructive criticism. And yes, it's one of my headcanons that Loki can paint/draw like freakin' Michelangelo.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Loki Ships them ALL

After Bruce calms down, everyone but a hyperventilating Steve goes out to get some food. They cram into Tony's car like sardines and ride down the road, and Thor tries to lead the rest of them in an Asgardian traveling tune, but no one is interested.

"Asgard is the very best! Like no realm ever was! We travel on an epic quest, with glory as the cause!" He wails excitedly. Clint briefly considers stabbing him with a sedative arrow, but he doesn't want to have to drag the heavy idiot inside like last time.

After a few minutes they finally reach their destination. Clint complains that he wanted Shawarma, but everyone else agrees on Mexican. They arrive at El Anos del Diablo, and Tony leads them all in like a teacher with a pack of toddlers. They sit around the restaurant's largest table and a tall, dark-haired waitress comes to serve them. "Hola, los Vengadores!" She says with a big grin. Tony winks at her. "Me llamo es Alex. And what would you all like to drink today?"

They order their drinks and the lady leaves. She laughs almost maniacally as she enters the kitchen. Loki's so glad that he got a job here. He knew eventually that the group would come here, and today is his lucky day. As he fixes a big pitcher of sweet tea, he enchants it. Just wait until they take a sip, and BAM! They're going to fall in love with the next person they see.

"Hey there, Bonita Señorita." Tony says with a wink, and Loki rolls his… well, her eyes.

"Eres tonto." She whispers as she sets down their drinks. They all take a big sip and Loki watches in amusement as they begin to fall in love. Bruce looks up at Natasha, poor fellow. Natasha herself seems to have looked at Tony. Clint is now staring dreamily at the muscled Thor, and both Thor and Tony seem to have taken a fancy to waitress Loki. She grins. "Now, what would you like to eat?" She asks.

Their order isn't important. What _is _important is that now the Avengers are flirting with each other, loudly, in public. (Except for poor, shy Bruce. He's just staring at Natasha longingly.) The other people in the restaurant are beginning to stare.

When they finally leave, the other denizens have enough cell phone footage of the flirting Avengers to take over the internet for at least a few days. Loki sends them off by blowing a big kiss. "Come back soon!"

When his shift is over, he runs back to his apartment and quickly gets on his computer. The internet is booming with video footage. Loki actually saves the one where Thor gets caught looking at his ass, although he won't admit that.

Now, on the next agenda. Loki has worked diligently (and by diligently, he means around half an hour) on his latest masterpiece. One that is sure to cause a ruckus in the tower. He presses send with a smirk, and sits in front of his window to watch.

The Avengers are once more watching a movie. This time Steve got to choose, and he chose the familiar Wizard of Oz. Just as Dorothy meets the Cowardly Lion, the screen turns blue. "Nuh-uh." Steve says, quickly shuffling out. Tony sniggers as Jarvis explains the unknown sender of the picture message.

"I don't think we should bring it up." Natasha whispers to Tony, who is sniggering again.

"Don't worry. This time, it'll track the whereabouts of the sender when I open it." He says, and then he tells his trusty computer, "bring it up."

Bruce, Clint, and Natasha close their eyes. Tony erupts into more laughter. This time, it's a very creative drawing of Clint and Steve… they're in what looks like an air control tower, although they aren't paying attention to what's outside. Thor turns his head to the side, confused. "What are they doing?" He asks. It _is _a confusing angle.

Clint squints open his eyes and sees the smutty picture. "Oh my lord!" He says, jumping up. "Who the hell did this? Who the hell did this?"

Tony closes it again. Jarvis pipes up. "The location of the sender is actually just down the street." He says happily.

"We're going to kick some ass, right?" Clint says, already grabbing his bow.

"Yeah we are." Tony says. And so the Avengers get into his car again. Steve reluctantly agrees to go after Natasha explains what the last message was.

They arrive at the front of the apartment complex, looking positively epic in their power stances and spandex. The manager gladly ushers them in and they head up the stairs, standing in front of the door to Loki's apartment. Thor knocks loudly. "Who is it?" A sultry voice asks from the other side.

"Your doom!" Clint quickly yells before Steve elbows him.

"Who's going to answer to 'your doom'?" He whispers angrily.

The door cracks open and a beautiful, black haired woman is on the other side. "Can I help you?" She asks.

"Yes, yes you can." Thor says. "You see, we've been receiving-" Tony elbows him.

"We're here for official S.H.I.E.L.D investigation. If you could just let us inside."

The woman squints her eyes at Tony angrily. "And do you have a warrant?"

"Yes, in fact, we do."

"Let me see it."

Tony stutters before Natasha steps up to the doorframe. "Honey, I know you think these men won't hurt you, but in case you haven't noticed, I'm a woman. And I'm the deadliest one of all of us."

The black haired woman laughs. "Come in." She says with a grin, opening the door all the way. Multiple cats, of different colors and sizes come rushing out beneath the Avenger's feet.

Tony leans in to whisper in Natasha's ear. "Look for a cell phone. I'll take the laptop."

"So," Loki asks, "may I ask why I have the Avengers raiding my apartment? Not that I don't mind."

The Avengers walk in and spread out, looking around the apartment. It seems completely normal, save the pile of candy wrappers on the coffee table. "We've been detecting some.. odd transmissions coming from this IP." Tony says. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that?"

"Oh, no. I only use the laptop for research. I'm in college, you know. Sometimes my nephew comes to see me, though, and he seems to always be on his phone. Perhaps you should ask him." _Damn, I'm a good liar. _Loki thinks.

"Really?" Natasha asks. "What college?"

"I'm taking online courses with NCHU. You know, with the fancy TV commercials."

"And what's your name?"

"Lucy. Lucy Lane."

_Name sounds suspicious. _Natasha thinks. Tony's fiddling around with the computer.

"Hey, you can't touch my stuff. You still haven't shown me that warrant." Lucy hisses. Tony looks up innocently, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Hey, hey. Sorry. We're leaving." He says.

"We are?" Thor asks. He's staring much too suspiciously at Lucy.

"Yes, we are. Come on, Capsicle." Tony says, grabbing Steve, who was looking at a cute kitten, and dragging him out the door. The rest of the Avengers follow suit.

"Well, bad bye! Don't have a nice day!" Lucy calls out to the group. Clint shoots a bird behind him and they leave badass style, walking together down the hall.

So, there you have it! Chapter Two. I really have _no idea _about where this plot is going. Well, I have a little idea.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Clintasha and Shy Little Steve

It's a few days before Loki decides to send another one. He wants to bring suspicion away. Them coming to his apartment was much too close. Tony put a typing tracker on his laptop, as if he thought Loki was too stupid to see it jammed up in the USB port.

He purchases.. well, steals another one. Being invisible has its advantages. In the meantime, Loki writes torrid sex scenes between Tony and Steve on the old laptop. Give something for Tony to spy on.

He steps in front of his window and looks fondly out at the tower. "I think I'll go for a stroll." He says in his best villainous voice. It makes him feel badass.

So, he steps out into the street, invisible, and heads down to the Avengers headquarters. He needs to make sure that they're gathered together for the next one, because it's really good. One of his best works, if he's any judge. He sits in the corner of the kitchen, watching them all eat breakfast, before making Jarvis open up the tabletop projector. (Why would Tony even _need_ one of those?)

"Oh, shit." Bruce murmurs before the projector turns on, shining a bright blue light against the wall.

"Sir, I don't know what's happening." Jarvis says as the picture suddenly appears. Invisible Loki sighs, proud of himself. It's Clint and Natasha, doing naughty, acrobatic things with Budapest as a backdrop. Steve has to leave the room.

"I can't believe this awful smut!" He yells as he runs out. Natasha is gawking at the screen, one hand unconsciously traveling to her chest.

"Wow. This one is pretty good." Tony says. "Your ass really look like that?" He asks Natasha, who scowls at him. Clint slaps him in the face.

"This is.. uh, awful." Clint murmurs. Natasha just nods her head slowly, unable to take her eyes off the screen. Thor looks at it with curiosity, then continues eating his poptarts.

"I'm just gonna take a picture." Natasha says shakily, holding up a camera. "You know, for, uh, evidence."

She does, and then scurries away. Clint follows her. Thor sighs loudly. "I notice the artist has not included me in any of their works."

"Do you _want _to be drawn naked, doing unspeakable things to, say, Steve?" Tony asks incredulously.

"No, no." Thor says. "I'm just offended that I'm the only one that has been left out."

Loki chuckles darkly, coming up behind his brother and kissing him on the cheek. "You just wait." He whispers, although no one can hear or see him.

And then he's off, and the Avengers have no idea about what to do. Thor sulks around the tower in a snuggie, eating his fourth box of poptarts, whilst Steve sits on the couch and rants about the complete vulgarity of modern culture. Tony and Bruce are in the lab, trying to figure out why the projector went off, and no one knows where Natasha and Clint went. Somehow no one has begun to expect Loki.

Loki is lounging about on his couch, browsing YouTube for more Thorki crack videos. (It's his favorite pastime.) He gets on Tumblr, but no one's requested any smut. It's a shame. Usually he's busy.

He goes out to the store to get more candy. There's a nagging voice at the back of his mind saying that if he keeps eating bagful after bagful of Hershey Kisses, he's going to get fat, but it's quiet. _I'm a God. _He reminds himself. _A bit of Midgardian confections won't ruin my figure._

Then he goes to the park to play chess with his new friend Erik. They often come to a stalemate, and Loki enjoys the challenge of a mortal with a bit of brains. The only other person who's even come close to beating him is the Lady Sif.

As night falls, Loki heads home and decides that tomorrow, he's gonna start a fight.

I'm so sorry that this chapter is short! I had to cut off here because I was afraid I'd end up writing way too much about Loki's daily life. Which I already have. The next one will be longer. Hopefully.


	4. Chapter 4

ey there. So, hopefully I'll sneak some references in here, too. Also, I apologize if any of you like lime Jell-O.

Chapter Four: The Inevitable Thorki Confrontation

Steve wakes up to a loud explosion outside of the tower. Immediately, the lights begin to flash red and Jarvis's voice rings out. "This is an emergency. I repeat, this is an emergency." When he rushes out into the hall, everyone else is already there.

"What is happening?" Thor asks.

"I don't know. Everyone suit up!" Tony says, and they do. It's an awkwardly quiet elevator ride down to the ground.

"So, uh.. Yeah. Fighting." Steve tries to start a conversation, but no one picks it up.

The metal doors finally open and the Avengers step onto the street, which is now being flooded with lime Jell-O. _The worst kind._

"What kind of monster would do something like this?" Clint wails, ankle deep in the vile green substance.

As if on cue, Loki jumps into sight, standing atop a giant wave of the gelatinous horror. "Hello, old enemies! We meet again!" He calls. Tony scowls.

"It's Rock of Ages, come to get his ass kicked again." He announces before flying at him. He's knocked back by a blob of the chartreuse horror.

"What? It looks edible." Thor says, reaching down to pick up a handful of it. Natasha slaps it out of his hand.

"That's what they want you to think." She whispers darkly. Thor stares at it, suddenly scared.

"Thor! I want to talk to you!" Loki screams from atop his disgusting Jell-O throne. Banner steps out, just a few shades darker than the foul semi-solid matter, and jumps at the surprised God. Loki sinks quickly into the gelatin, scrunching his face at the awful taste that seeps into his open mouth. Clint jumps off of Captain's shield and shoots an explosive arrow at the Jell-O, but it just deflects and blows up an adjacent fire hydrant. Steve quickly rushes to the hole in the ground, which is now spraying water everywhere, and tries to plug it up with his fist, but water continues to jet out.

"Hey, let it spray!" Tony calls from up in the air. "It's cleaning up the Jell-O!" Steve scrambles away, nearly slipping on the watery-gelatiny puddles. Thor swings Mjölnir around, flying up and into the Jell-O to speak with his brother.

"What is it, Loki?" He asks. Loki snarls.

"I'll have words with you in private, thank you!" He hisses, before pointing to a shabby looking bar across the street. "Meet me in there at three." He whispers before disappearing.

"Oh, damn. He left. I guess we'll just have to wait for him to strike again." Thor says, feigning disappointment. Natasha eyes him suspiciously but lets it go.

"So now we just have to clean this crap up?" Tony asks, flying down to Thor, who's sinking into the green pile of mush.

"Screw that. Have the city do it." Clint says, stepping over a huge puddle of the dessert.

"Good idea." Steve replies as he walks over to the rest of the Avengers, who are now clumped in a group in the middle of the slippery street.

A horde of college students walk down the sidewalk and stop when they see the heroes. "Hey Natasha, you looked real hot out there. Want to come get some drinks?" A particularly rude boy says from the back of the group.

"Oh, that's it." She whispers darkly, turning around and pouncing on the boy. The others are giving him the thumbs up and he's smiling like a cat with the canary, but then she leans over to say something in his ear. "How about I show you this instead?" She asks before punching his lights out. Some girl with glasses gets the whole thing on camera, and the Avengers are all over the internet once more.

"That's my girl!" Clint cheers from the middle of the street, and then they all head back into the tower. An uninterrupted movie is watched before Thor suddenly jumps up.

"What time is it?" He asks, worried.

"It's three thirty." Tony says, looking lazily down at his watch. "Got a hot date?"

"Yes?" Thor says, not sure of what Tony means.

"Alright. Go get 'em, tiger." Clint says, smiling and leaning over to Natasha, who rolls her eyes. Thor's still very confused by these Midgardians and their slang, but he chooses to ignore it as he runs to the bar.

"There you are. I was beginning to think you'd never show up." Loki says smoothly from a dark corner. He's dressed in a tight grey sweater and black jeans. Thor wasn't sure if he liked seeing his brother in Midgardian attire.

"Why have you called me here?" Thor asks, and Loki chuckles.

"That will come in good time, not-brother. For now, why don't you sit? Have a drink?" Loki walks up to him and offers a wine glass filled with a strange bluish liquid.

"What is it?"

"Absinthe. It's good, taste it." Loki replies with a devilish grin. Thor foolishly takes his word for it and chugs the whole thing down in one large swallow.

"Oh, by the Norns! This is awful!" He bellows, gagging and leaning over to grab his stomach. The empty glass falls to the floor and shatters. The bartender doesn't bother to look up.

"That may be because I cursed it." Loki says, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"You haven't poisoned me, have you?"

"Oh, of course not. I still have some sort of sentiment towards you, for some reason." Loki says. He leans over and strokes his brother's hair. "I just thought it'd be easier to kidnap you if you were inebriated."

"What did you put in my drink?" Thor asks, suddenly scared.

"It was pure alcohol." Loki replies with a smile. His hand is warm as he helps his brother stand. "Now, onto the kidnapping." And with that, and a cloud of green smoke, they're gone.

"Hey, has anyone seen Thor?" Steve asks at dinner. It's nearly eight o' clock and none of them have heard from the Thunder God since he left.

"I'm guessing he got lucky." Tony says nonchalantly, taking another bite of meatloaf. Natasha made it and it's awful, but they were eating it anyways. This was a matter of life or death. Only poor, lovesick Clint was actually enjoying the meal, and he was on his third piece of the sticky, greyish food.

"That's awful." Steve says. "What if he's in trouble?"

"He's a God. I'm sure he can get himself out of trouble." Clint says before taking another big bite. "Besides, he took that hammer."

Suddenly the tabletop projector raises. Tony smiles. He was beginning to think that the unknown sender had stopped. "My protocols…" Jarvis begins, but Tony raises his hand.

"Bring it up." He says, and Steve looks away.

It's a picture of Thor, tied up and naked. The extreme detail that the artist went into is extraordinary. Steve peeks through his fingers and quickly shuts his eyes again. "Well, then." Natasha says, getting up to put her dishes in the sink. Suddenly the picture is gone and it's replaced by a new one – this time Loki's on top of the tied up Thor, doing things that are illegal in at least three states. Steve looks again and gasps.

"Do you guys think this is a clue? What if Loki got Thor? What if he's… fonduing him?" He exclaims, face red but face trained on the projection.

"Well, Thor doesn't quite look like he's in pain." Tony says with a shrug. Bruce glares at him.

"What if Steve's right? We need to find him. But he could be anywhere."

Natasha walks back to the table and looks at the picture. "Hey, that background is the apartment of that girl whose house we raided the other day. You don't think…"

Everyone looks at each other as realization hits.

"Son of a bitch." Tony mutters.

And that's the next chapter! I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing. Until next chapter, au revior!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: Big Plot Twists

Every Avenger (besides Thor, obviously) is somehow ready and packed into Tony's car in less than four minutes. Jarvis cheerfully notes that it's a new record.

"Yeah, probably because Thor didn't spend half an hour on his hair this time." Clint mutters as they head down the road. Bruce, who is sitting hunched over in the passenger seat, looks worriedly out of the window.

"What's wrong, big guy?" Tony asks playfully, pushing Bruce's arm a bit as he turns the corner to the apartment building.

"I'm afraid that I'm gonna accidentally tear up New York again." Bruce says. No one has a chance to comfort him, because once his sentence is finished, they've arrived at the building. Natasha gets out of the car first, stomping purposefully towards the door.

"Let's show him who's boss." She whispers. (She loves pretending that she's in a movie.)

They head back up the now-familiar stairwell, only to see that Loki's door is locked, with a do-not-disturb sign hung on it. Steve angrily knocks on it and there is no reply.

Suddenly, a picture materializes on the wooden door - Steve and Tony, in a very scandalous position. Steve is hanging on the wall, and robots (and Tony) are doing things.

"Alright, let us in or I'm breaking down the damn door!" Steve screeches, suddenly furious, and now rapping on the wall so that he doesn't touch the offensive art. Still no reply. "Alright, Loki. One.." Steve backs up to the other side of the hall as the rest of the Avengers watch. "Two.." He says louder, bracing his shoulder and angling himself. Silence hangs on the air for an awkward moment. "Three!" He yells, rushing at the door and throwing himself at it. He bounces off, almost comically.

Tony snickers as he comes up to the door, attempting to wiggle the doorknob open, and it opens easily. "No one thought to check and see if it was locked?" He asks, turning to face the rest of the team.

They walk in, and the apartment is strangely empty. A feeling of dread and confusion washes over the Avengers as they step inside. In the hallway, it was noisy with the sound of traffic and the upstairs neighbors fighting. In Loki's apartment, it is deathly silent. Small flakes of what looks like ice float in the air, probably for dramatic effect.

Meanwhile, Loki is in the corner, watching in amusement as the Avengers turn over plates and look underneath couch cushions. Beside him is Thor, tied up and gagged, giving him an angry glare. Loki merely smiles as he reaches over to pat his brother's back. He's completely naked, besides the ropes. "Let's see who can wait longer." He whispers.

Natasha is in the bedroom, looking in drawers and underneath his mattress. She hasn't found anything suspicious yet, except for a surprising amount of equestrian magazines. Clint is in the bathroom, rummaging through pantries and cabinets. Bruce and Tony have tackled the kitchen, and Steve is still searching the living room.

Loki walks calmly into the bedroom, watching bemusedly as Natasha opens his desk, only to find copies of every smut that he's drawn. She looks at them with disgust, but secretly pockets the one with her and Clint. Loki knocks over a little trinket on his dresser and she turns around quickly, pulling out her gun with the prescision of a trained assassin. However, she sees no one. "You guys!" She says loudly to the rest of the team. "I think he's invisible!"

"Well, we'll see about that." Tony replies from the kitchen, where he's happily munching on a hoagie.

"Where did you even get that?" Steve asks.

"Fridge. Now, Jarvis."

"Yes sir?" His suit responds.

"Search the apartment with, uh, thermal recognition." Tony says nonchalantly before taking another big bite of sandwich. Natasha walks back into the living room, done searching. Clint comes back from the bathroom, twisted in what appears to be dental floss.

"Sir, it appears that there is a cloaked body in the corner." Jarvis suddenly says, and Tony smiles.

"Alright, Loki. Enough of that. Show yourself." He says smugly, and the illusion falls to reveal a naked Thor.

"Oh my God" Natasha says, quickly averting her eyes. Steve's mouth hangs wide in awe and terror.

"I guess everything's bigger in Asgard." Tony murmurs before walking over to help Thor get untied.

"Thank you, friends. I'm glad you've found me." Thor says jovially as Tony frees him from the last of the ropes.

"Glad we found you, too, Thor. Now, uh, you wouldn't happen to have any clothes, would you?" Tony asks, stepping back. Thor looks down, and then back up.

"Yes, I have many outfits here." He says, walking into the bedroom. The entire team stares at him in confusion.

"What do you mean, you have many outfits here?" Steve asks. Thor, who is rummaging through the closet, grabs a pair of underwear and puts them on.

"I often come to visit my brother." He says, before grabbing a pair of black sweatpants and stepping into them.

"What?" Natasha asks loudly, suddenly very angry. "So you knew where he was the whole time?"

Thor puts on a red t-shirt and turns to face his friends. "I was afraid that if I told, you would incarcerate him. We had a deal that if I wouldn't tell, he wouldn't hurt anyone.'

"So you knew that he was sending those pictures? You knew that we were at his apartment?" Bruce asks.

"Yes. I'd recognize one of his paintings anywhere. And I come here often."

"So _that's _where he goes on the weekends." Tony remarks. Natasha steps forward, backing the God into the closet.

"So, where's your brother?" She asks. "And how the hell did he tie you up?"

"I cannot tell you where he is. He still has not hurt anyone. And I let him tie me up."

"Why the heck would you let your jealous, psychopathic brother tie you up? And why were you naked?"

"We've done this many times before, friends. Just this time, you interrupted."

There is shocked silence for minutes as the Avengers look at each other. Tony is the one to finally break the silence.

"Well, I think it's safe to say that I am officially disturbed." He says, before taking his last bite of sandwich. "I'm going home."


End file.
